AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: Buy some red things DATE: 10/14/2006 06:35:00 AM ----- BODY:
It's really no wonder that so many people would prefer to live in ignorance of the really freakin' big picture...why a majority (more specifically the majority in America that have at least some modicum of income, etc.) would prefer to just see a tiny little picture. See, if the blinders stay in place people can continue to complain about not being able to take the vacation they really want, or how boring their job is, or that they can't afford the car they really want, or so many other ors. How entirely rich our country is, that so many of us can complain about things like that. Of course, this all includes those of us who can afford to worry about things like that, rather than where we're going to eat next.
In reference to AIDS statistics of South Africa, Avert claims that in many cases "people are dying of AIDS before they can starve to death". Education and condom use is great, and these things are going on there as well...but individual changes of behavior have to be supported and allowed for them to actually work.
There are large social and economic gaps between women and men in Zimbabwe, and these inequalities have played a central role in the spread of HIV. Constrictive attitudes towards female sexuality contrast with lenient ones towards the sexual activity of men, resulting in a situation where men often have multiple sexual partners and women have little authority to instigate condom use. Sexual abuse, rape and coerced sex are all common, and as the economy deteriorates more women are turning to sex work as a means of survival.
Then there is the issue of money which brings me to the entire point of this. For millions that already have the disease, medication and health care aren't even an option because they don't even have the few dollars a day it would take to procure such a luxury. This is where the red stuff comes in...
I watched Oprah last night, because sometimes I do that, and the show was about one of Bono's new campaigns "Red". I have no problem admitting that it made me cry...if you have a beating heart how does a bombardment of images like this one not make you cry?

I'm not even going to explain what it is, because hopefully it makes you curious as all hell and you find out for yourself.

P.S. Should you be in any position to buy me a gift in the next few years for a birthday, or holiday...only buy something related to that website.

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----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: Women this week DATE: 10/13/2006 08:25:00 AM ----- BODY:
Women still hurting in Bukavu Alertnet.org
Hundreds of women were captured, raped, tortured and terribly traumatised by militias in D. R. Congo. Those who escaped are going through a healing process, but their predicament is still dismal.
The Congo's only specialized rape clinic has dealt with over 10,000 cases in the last seven years. Terrorism is defined as the systematic use of terror, such as violent or destructive acts commited by groups in order to intimidate a population or government, as a means of coercion. That's from our dictionary; but I suppose in real time it's only considered terrorism if it happens to us. Women’s Prison Healthcare Called ‘Grossly Deficient’ Blackvoicenews.com
Some prisoners incarcerated at the California Institution for Women at Corona were routinely denied basic health and dental care...

Women's Day- Should It Be Celebrated Americanchronicle.com

Ideally when one thinks of a woman, one should not think about them different in any respect to men.
Sure, ideally it wouldn't actually be surprising or noteworthy that a woman or woman of color for that matter reached the top of a giant corporation; there is a reason that it is and would the author have gone just a half step further they would have answered their own hypothetical question. My favorite argument that people like to bring up when this subject comes up (admittedly it does not happen often) is "...look at women like Oprah or Martha Stewart...what do you mean glass ceiling?". Well, yes...but, they started their own parties...at no point did they have to compete to get into the men's club which is almost invariably at the top of most corporations. Don't even get me started on the argument of Condoleeza Rice as a representation of how women or women of color are fairly represented in the government

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----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: Hidden victims of a brutal conflict: Iraq's women DATE: 10/11/2006 01:27:00 PM ----- BODY:
Wherein we are given even more proof that we are involved in a war which serves the interest of a few and says everyone else be damned.

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----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: No one ever says, "I want to be a wind-up doll when I grow up" DATE: 10/11/2006 07:14:00 AM ----- BODY:
Oh, but it's okay after all...people aren't allowed to touch them. What a relief, because that would really mean they were contributing to objectifying women...
"The Margaret Thatcher government challenged and then revoked the club's casino license in the U.K. in 1981."
P.S. There was a reason for that challenge. How quickly that is forgotten.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous DATE:10/12/2006 12:46:00 AM Hopefully this will go the way of "Hooters Air" and just sputter out in a year or two... ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Blogger Kelly Bean DATE:10/12/2006 10:20:00 AM That would be nice-although I won't hold my breath. It is Las Vegas after all, where morals and values go the way of the toilet. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: Staggering in its violent message DATE: 10/10/2006 01:37:00 PM ----- BODY:
I had every intention of spending a trillion pages outlining the ignorance infused discussion had in my class last night regarding the validity of the feminist perspective theory in psychology. Essentially this theory posits that the personal is political; that is, one cannot be separated from the system in which they live and interact in...one cannot be separated from how the system has affected their "pathology", or "dysfunction", so to speak. Most traditional theories of psychology today (and/or the foundations to such) were created by white men...too many conclusions in the DSM IV are based on normal emotional reactions to life aimed at pathologizing women. Last night I listened to other women, fellow classmates, tear the validity of such apart, saying that we are so much farther ahead than we were that the theory loses some of its appropriateness today...that the theory should equally talk about how women and men have been objectified by the patriarchy embedded in most of the world...that it is nothing but a theory based on an outdated "political agenda" that has no basis today (and I guarantee that the political agenda they were referring to as if it tasted awful to even say it, was the stereotypical picture of man-hating/insane/irrational/unreasonable/victimized/crazed feminist that has become so popular nowadays). It was fascinating (in the fascinating way that you can't tear your eyes away from even the most gruesome of car accidents) to watch fellow women decry our own statement for rights/equality/safety. I was going to drone on and on about it in that particular way that I am capable of. Until I saw this. Which in turn led me to this. Seriously...if you don't have time, make time to read them. I fear that anything I tried to say to convey the complete wash of disgust that clouded my brain up after reading about the above would be lost in my sometime weaknesses as a writer. Think words can't be violent? Share with me how you feel then, after reading what was written to this woman. {1} What happens in the pit of your stomach when you read:
you dumb slut you fucking retard Ha ha, you're a dirty whore YOU DESERVED IT, YOU SLUTTY LITTLE WHORE SHUT YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING MOUTH, CUNT Your life is fucking worthless you goddamn slut Please kill yourself now bitch I hope you feel good about murdering your kid whore Tough shit slut You are a disgusting little shit of a woman

It made the back of my neck crawl right up off my back and run out of the building...and I'm even a little desensitized to violent language having been in a position to have heard it frequently for a few years. It brought up all the reactions that might be typical to someone who is socially aware and human; I felt sick, I wanted to cry and could not because I am at work, I became angry, a small part of myself felt ashamed to be part of the same species that regardless of what it was that they hated or disagreed with, would say those things to another person.

If the creation of blogs and the reading of blogs like these do nothing more than spread further the knowledge of what still happens in this century that many people want to stuff down into the drains of history in order to pretend that's where it stayed, then they have done a great service. If they can make people aware of how far we actually have not come as a society or world so that people in this country stop hiding behind the lazy way of "but look at all that has changed" (a.k.a. "Look at how far we have come in America so that means things are so much better, doesn't it?") then they have done an even greater service.

{1} Aside: I refer to her, not by using her blogging name, but by saying woman with a specific purpose in mind. Just as what happens when speaking to a stranger via phone, when contacting someone via a website something funny can sometimes happen for the one doing the contacting...they lose their awareness that they are addressing an actual person.

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----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: Violence Against Women Officially Declared a Human Rights Violation DATE: 10/09/2006 04:16:00 PM ----- BODY:
"[As] long as violence against women continues, we cannot claim to be making real progress towards equality, development and peace"... Just now, it's "unacceptable"...

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----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: It was everything I had hoped it would be DATE: 10/09/2006 01:31:00 PM ----- BODY:
I have moved a total of 11 times since the age of 20 (that's an average of 1.375 times per year). I counted because it was brought to my attention that some people consider it humorous that I continually move-that I can't stay in one place for a myriad of different reasons that don't normally make themselves clear until the lease is about to expire. Okay. I'll give that one up...it is chuckle worthy that I'm a little crazy that way. I get my own dose of humor that people even find my craziness funny. As J pointed out, there always ends up being something unjustifiably wrong with a place that only months prior I was more than happy to exhaust myself (and others) in order to move into. But, um...there is usually something wrong by the time the lease is up-and it's not always my fault. At some point my residences do me horribly wrong. Case and point...
Move #1-Moved in with boyfriend to Lake Forest Park.
Move #2-Promptly broke up with boyfriend one month later and moved out, in order to move in with best friend in Edmonds.
Move #3-Moved out after becoming not so best friends, in order to move in with irresponsible male friend & messy male friend/ex to Shoreline (did I mention I made stellar decisions back then?).
Move #4-Moved out after 2 months in order to move in with new boyfriend (after dating for only 2 months) to North Bend.
Move #5-Two months later moved back home after new boyfriend assaulted our roommate causing them to move out & us to not be able to afford the house anymore...moved to my mom's house in Lake Forest Park. Had to move out shortly thereafter for all the obvious reasons.
Move #6-Moved to the first apartment that only I was responsible for (and would therefore keep) in Mountlake Terrace. Not really totally sure why I left there...it may have had something to do with needing to not be in a place that I was once terrorized by someone in.
Move #7-Moved in with next new boyfriend temporarily (consequently have kept said new boyfriend the entire time up until now) in Everett. Had to move out shortly thereafter because I wanted it to be a temporary thing only.
Move #8-Moved to yet another "my own apartment" in Edmonds. Had to move out because I had gotten a new job downtown and had grown tired of driving for eternity every day (I think they were going to significantly raise my rent as well).
Move #9-Moved on my own to Lake City which was somewhat closer to work. Had to move out because I didn't sign a very long lease & they were going to raise my rent.
Move #10-Moved to Greenwood because a)it was cheaper, b)it was a little closer to work, and c)it had a huge yard & tons of space (due to yard, was able to look past the fact that it was a basement, therefore dark...and had only a skinny shower stall rather than a bathtub). Had to move out because with the onset of fall it became even more dark in there as well as the fact that spiders began to move in on the house in droves (not to mention the skinny shower stall).
Move #11-Moved to Queen Anne where currently I am completely ass over tea kettle, in love. It is bright, it is in the middle of everything and there are people around and fun things to walk to and coziness and close to school/work and, and, and.
A bomb would have to go off in the building before I started to hate it at this point. And despite the sad fact that by the time J and I finally fell asleep last night the entire less than 500 sq feet looked like a war zone with how little I had gotten organized, I was frighteningly happy to be sleeping there...even in an ungodly mess. I would bet my dog that this new apt. will probably never do me wrong.
As you can see below, high school reunion was more fun than I allowed myself to think that it could be and I left it feeling happy that I had made the choice to do it...
The only low point of the weekend? Effing kiddie porn freaks get set free.

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----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: Late on the uptake DATE: 10/05/2006 07:03:00 PM ----- BODY:
Okay, okay-I know that October started 5 days ago and along with it breast cancer awareness month, so that if I was going to be overloading on pink in honer of it I should have started a while ago. Shoot me-this week it was Emile Durkheim in all his social anomie glory that took up the entirety of my brain. Sidenote: what an awesome month to have quit smoking...odd how it just worked out like that without me planning it that way. I tortured myself for the impending high school reunion (taking place tomorrow) today. For me, torturing equates to a trip to my waxing ladies. Ow. I do usually treat myself to a manicure at the same time which is so very pleasant...although I still haven't learned to save the manicure for last rather than the waxing. However, I'm not sure which is worse-sitting there for a half hour for all the other women to see me with a flaming red (burning, I might add) face because I saved the manicure for last, or having to end the pampering on a negative note. Still undecided about that one. I must say though, that she went abso-effing-lutely to town on my eyebrows this evening. They still hurt. I (partially) come from a long (and tall) line of norwegian women...lefsa eating, lutefisk making women. For any of you that aren't aware, those of us blessed with a percentage of this blood, tend to be furrier than the average bear. This translates into hellfire when getting eyebrows (or anything else for that matter) waxed. I have built up an enormous amount of trust with one particular nail/wax/etc. place in Edmonds. Having built up this trust as a result of going only there for almost two years now, I go nowhere else. Nowhere. All past experiences in doing so have led to only bad, bad things, so I stopped messing around. Usually, I know what to expect...I know how my nails will look, how long they will last, how my eyebrows will look, etc. It's pretty much status quo at this point. Not today. "A", one of my favorite women there, was the one to help me with my assorted requests this evening. Nails came out looking wonderful, as I knew they would, and I loved her for it-I told her so as well. Then it was eyebrow time. Maybe she sensed that I had a "going out" event tomorrow evening...after all, we all know each other pretty well at this point and knowing people pretty well gives you a pretty good feeling for their "vibes" and such stuff. Maybe I just mysteriously had more eyebrow than usual (I really didn't think it had been that long since I was in, but maybe so). For all that is sacred on this earth, though, when she started the whole business, it was all I could do not to push her away from my face and run screaming out the door. It wasn't just that she waxed the hell out of my face-it's that she did way more than they normally do. For example, she broke out little scissors after the whole wax mess which is entirely unusual, and starting cutting them, during which time I screamed over and over in my head 'are you leaving me any eyebrows, because I sort of need some'! In a matter of seconds, which is just about how long it took even while it seemed like an eternity to me, I had imagined the remaining course of my life without eyebrows. Because I'm crazy like that. Although I heart this woman to death for all that she does for me, in that particular moment I have to admit I hated her a little bit...especially during the pepper of little tweezers to pick up whatever the wax hadn't ripped off, which continued on and on for a lifetime despite my best efforts to sink my head into the chair I was sitting in...away from those nasty little metal things. Despite the exaggeration, I'm really not sure why it was all that much worse than normal...it just was. To salve my wounds I try to keep looking at my cute nails, which sort of make up for it. I move in two days. P.S. I so love what she did to my eyebrows.

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----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: Ms. magazine names women who had abortions DATE: 10/03/2006 10:14:00 PM ----- BODY:
I should be writing my assignments that are due this week since there is a multitude of things I have to do this weekend (i.e. attend reunion, spend time with Kel, maybe hit up Van's girl's night out on Saturday, move on Sunday, allow J to pay for moving truck even though I'm all weird about the fact that it's really my problem to take care of, not his)...only Ms. Magazine sort of screwed that all up. My favorite part of this article was when Ms. Brown of American Life League fame was quoted as saying "the evil practically jumped right off the page". Really? Did it bite you in the ass too because, if so, I hope it hurt like hell. When I read that quote the first thought I had was witch trials...seriously, it's the first thing that came to mind. Something else that was stimulated and "justified" by religion which brought about nothing but hatred and (ironically enough) "evil" in the end (see also...pagans). BTW: The article also mentions South Dakota's plunge off of the deep end wherein they're proud of their frenzied, scared support of abortion being illegal even in cases of rape or incest...of course, ya'll know how I feel about that. One thing that strikes me, simply about this article alone is that entire "evil" thing...because that quote ("the evil practically jumped right off the page") just really stuck me in the wrong spot. Am I incorrect in the assumption that those who have a fundamental belief in Jesus, God, whatever it may be, allegedly believe when it comes right down to it that judgment is between an individual and their God? Am I wrong? If I am, may God, Buddah, Allah, She-ra or whomever, strike me dead right now. I have never once heard someone of this belief reasonably justify why being believers in a fill-in-the-blank-here religion translates into the assumption that they are the watchtowers of others' behavior...of why they feel they have the right to do what they believe their God does (judge others). Seriously...if someone knows where there is a rational, reasonable argument for that I would like to know. I really, truly want to understand why women are telling other women what/when/why/where to do with their bodies. And, oh yes...you bet your ass I signed that petition on Ms. Magazine's website. (hint, hint...you can sign it simply in support as well).

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous DATE:10/04/2006 03:56:00 PM god, these people who call this "evil" are the same crazies who protest outisde with the poster size pictures and say that plan b is abortion. I think they have this ingrained image that if a woman has an abortion..or probably even is sexually assaulted, battered, or anyhing...that they should be utterly ashamed, destroyed and cowering in regret and guilt instead of the real truth which is that these women aren't buying into some bible thumping and are speaking out and rejecting the culture of blame/shame. i haven't really read Ms. mag...but this is an incredible statement. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Blogger Marion McCready DATE:10/05/2006 06:28:00 AM As someone who doesn't support abortion I certainly don't judge individuals and the choices they make particularly in cases of rape etc - I've no idea what I would do in that situation. Neither do I think anti-abortion has to be a religious thing, but I do think it is important that there are people who support the rights of the unborn child. Not that I agree with what and how it is said in the article, I guess the real issue is over whether a woman's right to control over her body is more important than an unborn child's right to life. But then many people don't view a foetus pre-20 weeks as a living being with rights - I suppose it comes down to how one views pre-20 week foetus' - just my opinion, no one has to agree with it. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Blogger Kelly Bean DATE:10/05/2006 07:31:00 AM I completely agree that it doesn't have to be a religious thing-that's what I never understood about people that make it about that. I can respect someone's perception of life and what is right or wrong for them, we're not all going to believe the same things...I've just never been able to respect those who speak through a religion and judge others rather than just speak about how they feel.

I realize as well that it's an incredibly complex issue. I really appreciate you sharing your viewpoint Sorlil. :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Blogger Kelly Bean DATE:10/05/2006 07:37:00 AM Luke-it's definitely an incredible statement. I was actually really surprised to read about it because if anyone has done something like that before, I certainly haven't heard about it.

So much more would get done regarding this issue-and the rest of the world's issues for that matter-if we could just eliminate the tendency of some to attack people rather than the issue. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: are you fucking kidding me? DATE: 9/21/2006 08:35:00 PM ----- BODY:
having been pointed to this information is courtesy of one angry girl. Hooters Girls Give Thanks Quotes from the official Hooters Calendar, November 2000. • We are thankful we don’t understand anything Nietzche wrote. • We are thankful there are no Hooters guys. • We are thankful for every day we wake up without a chalk outline around our bodies. • We are thankful that wrinkles don’t hurt. only because i didn't really believe (and had to see for myself) that something like that would be advertised as normal and sane, i broke down and did it...i went to their website. it just got worse. and if you don't beleive me, i encourage you to see for yourself. i.e. (these are direct quotes): "Hooters is the only place you get 2 spectator sports for the price of 1." "The Hooters Calendar has come a long way since the beginning, improved in size and shape as well as in quality and content." "Some corporate slogans speak to improving the human condition...some speak to improving human relations...and then there's the Hooters restaurant chain. which cheerfully admits to no higher calling than lowbrow pleasure: 'Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined' (Fortune 100: September 1, 2003: linked to Hooters website). "If you piled up the 15,000 current Hooters girls...well, they'd really be stacked" (Fortune: 2003). nice to see fortune magazine really rising to the occasion by bringing out all the suggestive little quips they can come up with. nice to see a restaurant so proud of the trashy agenda they're selling (yes, it obviously sells well and i'm not denying that...deathly important to note, though, that the reason why it sells is obviously a much larger social issue). maybe it was latent rage caused by a half an hour wait at the post office earlier in the evening only to be told that they can't find the parcel they notified me about and had me drive up there for (we won't dwell on the fact that the "parcel" is probably the text book that i'm supposed to have read 6 chapters out of by monday-nor will we dwell on the fact that i almost burst into tears in the middle of the post office after being told that). could be the fact that for some reason when i got home, i started having to fight the urge to go buy a pack of cigarettes in order to smoke each and every one in it. whatever it was, when i read the above mentioned quotes i began to feel a little violent. as if it's not bad enough that they have to allow the women to appear "dumbed down" so that it will sell better...fortune 100 magazine takes it as an opportunity to sound "fun" and "hip" by turning the article into a adolescent's wet dream. this is how far we've come.

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----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: why i would not go to a strip club DATE: 9/19/2006 07:30:00 PM ----- BODY:
this past weekend my friend's fiance' talked about how she wanted to do her bachelorette party. she started out by saying that she planned to do a coed thing in vegas a couple of weeks before their wedding which i can personally relate to thinking is great. i myself never understood why, if a man is so happy to be get married or be in love with someone in the first place, they have to buy into the ancient tradition of showing that happiness by complaining through 10 shots of alchohol about how freedom is over while leering at naked women (and being pressured to do god knows what else because heaven forbid anyone say 'no' in a group of drunk men-the kind of men that support strip clubs-and risk being seen as a coward). sidenote-i was accused by a "friend" once of having adverse feelings towards this tradition as a result of being "insecure" or "controlling" (funny...the same male friend that accused me of this is the same one that recently freaked out on me in the midst of their own insecurities). this isn't the case at all. when someone can explain to me in a reasonable fashion why, if i were in this situation, and the same man that i probably dated for a few years prior to that wedding didn't ever come to me to discuss their desire to hang out in strip clubs, but all of a sudden has to on the eve of what is supposed to be our happy thing we're doing because that one a-hole friend insists on it...maybe then i can accept it. until then, i don't agree with nor do i respect men using something that is supposed to celebrate togetherness and blah-blah-blah as an excuse to be a pig. it certainly wasn't women that thought up that tradition-male strip clubs weren't even around until the 70's. shortly after this discussion about what is to transpire for their bachelor/ette thing we started talking about what we were going to do that day (it was actually the day we were leaving and we had a few hours to kill). my friend colin says, we could head to a strip club. i realize he's not serious because he knows i wouldn't go. i give him the look anyway. then, of course, what gets discussed for a few minutes is why i wouldn't go. really? that's an odd thing? my friend's fiance' says, you wouldn't go even if we went for my wedding party? i shake my head no, thinking no, sweetheart, i wouldn't even go if another woman thought it was acceptable. here's the thing. if a woman thinks that's an okay profession for herself, than more power to her. on my list of things that get respect, a woman's choice to do what she wants with her own body and mind is pretty high up there. i can respect it, but i don't have to support it. that's the difference. nor do i have to pretend to be okay with something just because so many other people are (or because so many people that i'm in a group with look at me strangely when i share how i feel as if i'm the freak). because what i don't respect is a practice dating back to Mesopotamia that so boldly sends the message that women were put on this earth only for men's pleasure (see above where it states that men's strip clubs weren't even around until the 70's). i don't support a society that says this is an okay thing to do to women...that says it so much, yet so subtly, in fact, that so many women agree with it too. if women had thought this whole thing up-i might feel differently, because there's nothing at all wrong with women's bodies. what's wrong, is so many men that are allowed to feel as if, even for a little while, some dollar bills give them ownership over those bodies. i will stress it again; i don't respect another woman any less if that's what she feels is okay to do with herself. but i have to say that if i have children and i raise a daughter that comes to me someday and tells me that she is stripping for a living...i would seriously wonder and agonize over, what i did wrong with her.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous DATE:9/19/2006 09:42:00 PM "what's wrong, is so many men that are allowed to feel as if, even for a little while, some dollar bills give them ownership over those bodies."

Absolutely, absolutely. Even worse for sex-workers in private parties outside of a club setting (Duke...) because the men "customers" will feel like they have to "get their money's worth." Regardless of the changing situation, regardless of a woman in that situation's fear for her own safety and decision to bolt..and that's not even talking about the amount/kind of verbal abuse women in those situations face. if people pay money for something, anything, a service..American consumers feel like any and all action is then appropriate. which then goes to the amount of money women make at strip clubs where there is at least some security as opposed to private work outside of the clubs since club-owners notoriously take such a huge cut/don't offer any benefits with their "employees." people can argue about how "men are really being exploited...for their cash!" all they want....but in the day to day, hard to argue in support of strip clubs. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Blogger Kelly Bean DATE:9/20/2006 01:02:00 PM Which is funny that people still do argue with me in support of them.

Luke, I have never met you, but I truly heart you as I would a friend. :) Also, it's wonderful to be discovering that there are actually many men out there that recognize the way things have been & the way they still are, and that speak against it. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous DATE:9/20/2006 08:05:00 PM :)

if any, credit where credit is really due tho because I learned pretty much all I know from some exceptional women, especially profs during college.. and it's been a consistently eye-opening learning experience ever since as cliche as that sounds. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Blogger Kelly Bean DATE:9/21/2006 07:08:00 PM I'm okay with cliches...don't think a thing of it. :) ----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: the other half DATE: 9/12/2006 12:42:00 PM ----- BODY:
"The widely criticized Hudood Ordinance law, based on Islamic tenets, requires a woman who claims she's been raped to produce four witnesses. Religious political parties had fiercely criticized an amendment bill that would have dropped the requirement as un-Islamic." four witnesses. four witnesses and if the accused man is found not guilty the woman can be convicted of "adultery" and put to death. how often would you think that there are four witnesses to something like this? but, that has changed. absent of four witnesses there is a second option now to file under the penal code. this is being celebrated as a major victory by it's supporters...and i realize that it is. they should be celebrating; heaven only knows how hard it was to even change that one single thing. i know that we're "supposed to" respect and accept all other religions and beliefs and diverse cultures. this has been drilled into my brain since as far back as i can remember-by the time i hit college it became a drilling overload. especially at a very "p.c." community college in a very "p.c." seattle. regardless of how un-p.c. this will sound, i don't believe that anymore. the day that someone can come up with a compelling enough argument to make me respect a religion that justifies treating women like dogs, then i will go back to subscribing to the notion that i should respect and accept "all" other religions/beliefs/etc. what's that expression again? something about hell freezing over i think. p.s. the title up top is actually the link to the article. could be just me, but it took me a minute to figure that out. :)

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----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: truth DATE: 9/06/2006 04:31:00 PM ----- BODY:
i so wish that i had the ability to sum up what really bothers me about this with the eloquence that this guy did... found this here: http://realmenarenot.com/blog1/?cat=12 By Robert JensenFeb 1, 2006 Pornography’s business has always been the exposure of women’s bodies for the pleasure of men, and that was readily evident at the annual Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas last month. But also exposed at the sex-industry gathering was the paradox of the pornography business at this particular moment: At the same time that the pornography industry and its products are more normalized than ever in the United States, the images they produce are more brutal and degrading toward women than ever. How can it be that a once-underground industry that lived at the margins of society has become mainstream, at precisely the same time that its sexual cruelty toward women is most pronounced? The resolution of the paradox offers disturbing insights not just into the sexual ethics and gender politics of the United States, but into the underlying values of the entire society. The AEE — which attracted 350 exhibitors to the Sands Expo Center, one of Las Vegas’ major convention facilities — is part industry-insider gathering and part public spectacle. About 18,000 fans, the vast majority of them men, paid $40 a day to wait in long lines to pick up autographs from their favorite women in pornography and be photographed next to them. While fans indulged their fantasies, pornography producers focused on deal-making, often sounding as if their business were no different than selling shoes. In seminars, industry experts talked about improving marketing and retailing practices to expand market share and increase profits On the convention floor, most everyone would have agreed with Paul Fishbein, president of Adult Video News, the trade magazine that sponsors the event: “[T]he industry is ready to serve the needs of adult retailers, as well as consumers that seek to celebrate their sexuality.” And “celebrate” they do, with no questions asked. In Las Vegas, no one was discussing the social implications of the commodification of sexuality and intimacy in the 13,000 new pornographic videos and DVDs released in 2005. Questions about the effects of sexualizing male dominance in a $12-billion a year business were not on the table. This was a venue for self-indulgence, not self-reflection. Pornography — though still resisted by some, from either a conservative/religious position or, on very different grounds, from a feminist point of view — has become just one more form of mass entertainment in a culture obsessively dedicated to the pleasure-without-thought-about-the-consequences principle. Not everyone likes it, but few see it as worth debating. But the paradox remains: At the same time that it is more accepted, pornography’s content is becoming steadily more extreme. In the “gonzo” style (those films with no plot or characters, just straightforward sex on tape) that dominates the market, directors continue to push the edge, filming increasingly rougher sexual practices involving multiple penetrations of women by two or three men at a time, or oral sex designed to make a woman gag, while the language used to insult women during sex grows harsher. Since legal controls on pornography began loosening in the 1970s, pornographers have pushed the limits of sexualizing the denigration of women. Though the pornography industry loves to talk about growing sales to women and the so-called “couples market,” men are still the vast majority of pornography consumers in the United States. Producers and distributors I interviewed at the convention all estimated their clientele was 80 to 90 percent men. What do these men want to watch? It turns out they like viewing sexual acts that the majority of women do not want to perform in their lives. While there is no survey data about women’s preferences regarding multiple penetrations or gag-inducing sex, informal investigation suggests such things are not common in the day-to-day lives of most people and not sought after by most women. So, how can we explain the paradox? People typically do not openly endorse cruelty or the degradation of women. Yet just as those features of pornography are more extensive and intense than ever, graphic sexually explicit material is more widely accepted than ever. How can a culture embrace images that violate its stated values? Wouldn’t a society that purports to be civilized reject sexual material that becomes evermore dismissive of the humanity of women? There are two potential explanations. First, because of the way pornography works, most of the consumers don’t see the material as being saturated with cruelty or degradation; the sexual pleasure that pornography produces tends to derail critical viewing and thinking. When consumers are focused on the pleasure, the politics drop out of view. So, when fans I interviewed said they didn’t think the material they watched embodied male domination and female subordination, they likely were being honest. They don’t see it, because they are too absorbed in feeling the sexual pleasure to be thinking about such issues. But some men are quite clear about the gender politics in pornography, and they like it. Most of the advertising for the gonzo style highlights the subordination of women — one company brags it is in the business of “degrading whores for your viewing pleasure” — which suggests that’s exactly what some men are looking for. The second explanation is a painful reminder that, in fact, the United States is a nation that has no serious objection to cruelty and degradation. After all, there was no sustained, collective outrage over the revelations of systematic torture by U.S. military forces, epitomized by the photos from Abu Ghraib in Iraq. One prominent right-wing commentator compared it favorably to fraternity hazing rituals, which is not entirely misguided — fraternity hazing is routinely cruel and degrading, albeit at a much lower level. The United States is a society that uses brutal levels of military force, including the illegal targeting of civilian infrastructure (such as in the 1991 Gulf War, when power, sewage, and water facilities were targeted) and the routine use of weapons that military officials know kill large numbers of civilians (such as cluster bombs that continue to kill long after the conflict is over, as unexploded bombs detonate for years). The culture celebrates this as evidence of our benevolence as we “liberate” other countries. The United States is a society that locks up more than 2 million people, a higher percentage of its population than any other country, disproportionately non-white. The everyday conditions under which many of those human beings are kept in this prison-industrial complex are so harsh and degrading that leading human-rights groups condemn U.S. prison practices. The culture celebrates this as evidence of the superiority of our system of “justice.” And the United States is a society that has built thousands of glittering temples to unsustainable levels of consumption — called shopping malls — in this wealthiest nation in history, while nearly half the world’s people live on less than $2 a day. The culture celebrates this state of affairs as the wondrous workings of the magical market. So, there is no paradox in the mainstreaming of an intensely cruel pornography; pornographers aren’t a deviation from the norm. Their presence in the mainstream shouldn’t be surprising, because they represent mainstream values: The logic of domination and subordination that is central to patriarchy, nationalism, racism, and capitalism. What pornography says about sexuality, intimacy, and gender politics in the contemporary United States is frightening. What it says about our entire society is even more disturbing. Robert Jensen is a journalism professor at the University of Texas at Austin and a member of the board of the Third Coast Activist Resource Center, http://thirdcoastactivist.org/. He is the author of The Heart of Whiteness: Race, Racism, and White Privilege and Citizens of the Empire: The Struggle to Claim Our Humanity (both from City Lights Books). He can be reached at rjensen@uts.cc.utexas.edu. original article: http://www.opednews.com/articles/opedne_robert_j_060201_the_paradox_of_porno.htm

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----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: if you are under the impression that sexual harassment against women isn't such a big deal anymore because it's the year 2006 DATE: 9/06/2006 01:43:00 PM ----- BODY:
please rethink that assumption. cause, yah, it is the year 2006...it shouldn't be happening anymore. taking a personal day to get mentally ready for my first class tonight (i think it's statistics...ugh). i finished my first assignment for my online class!!! granted it was a no word limit autobiography about me, but i still completed my first assignment. took a break for a moment and found myself at one of the coolest websites i've ever seen. please see the following...http://www.hollabacknyc.blogspot.com/. checked around on their links to find that there actually is one for seattle...http://hollabackseattle.wordpress.com/. thank you to whoever runs that. i don't personally know you, but i love you. (for those who might assume that it's a bunch of "femi-nazis" spouting off on the web, there are men involved in running these sites as well.) do me a favor, play around for a bit & read some of those stories. yah...it may seem like not a very big deal if some a-hole on the street yells out hey sexy, or whatever they think is "cute" to say at the time. i mean, hey, they're not touching anyone...they're not raping anyone, right? try being the girl in that situation, though...especially if it's a bunch of guys in a group and you have no idea whatsoever what they might do. it's true-it's not about sex...it's about power. it happened to me the other day on my way into mad's to take care of my cats. right on 85th during rush hour freaking traffic. the likelihood that anything dangerous was going to happen to me was admittedly low...it's still scary when there are 4 males that you don't know yelling at you and you're not quite sure what they might do if it happens to offend them that you're ignoring them. not to mention the day that i was minding my own business trying to walk home from the bus and some freak made a point to run around the block again to pass by slowly and stare. thankfully it was 95 degrees that day and i was irritated enough to give him the finger. thinking back on it now i should have gotten his license and got on the phone right then to report him so he could see that i was doing it. next time i will. i was in my own neighborhood for christ's sake...women should be able to walk around in their own neighborhood without having to worry that some asshole might follow them. of course, it doesn't help us out much when men's magazines simply encourage it. please note the following: http://realmenarenot.com/blog1/?p=298. women are to be "invaded"? fuck you MAXIM is right.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous DATE:9/06/2006 04:41:00 PM Hey Kelly! Thanks for passing on the link :) Also, the down-but-not-out Hollaback Seattle has some big things in store that will be ready hopefully by the end of the month. Basically, it'll be a an umbrella "Hollaback Pacific Northwest" that does the NY street harassment thing but also introduces a few other relevant issues like the very Washington...sexist t-shirts. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Blogger Kelly Bean DATE:9/06/2006 06:23:00 PM Thanks for letting me know! I'll keep checking the site to see what's happening. :) ----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: i'm done with you today DATE: 7/26/2006 02:27:00 PM ----- BODY:
"It's a truly liberating thing to know that I don't have to respect your wishes, because you still don't have respect for mine or consideration for me as a person. No, as long as you continue to minimize what really happened and dodge ownership of it, if you feel the need to contact me, I am not going to spare you what I think. I have no obligation to. All this interaction has told me is that you're not really as better as I would have hoped you'd be by now. You obviously don't understand that I have harsh feelings for you because you still don't realize or fully and completely acknowledge what you did. That's part of the "getting better" process for people like you that apparently you haven't gotten to yet. After two alleged years, that's sad. So on that note, it's really not me who's attempting to "throw things" in your face. I will quote you: "Ive found someone that I really love and were engaged". Did I ask you for that information? No. Do I really care? No. And I'm sure you realize that on some level..." i have pictured this moment for over three years. i started picturing it when i really hit bottom in that relationship-when i finally started to admit to myself that it wasn't ever going to get any better...that the only things i would walk away with were a big fat hard-earned lesson and (eventually) a little more strength to put in my pocket. you did horrible things to me, called me horrible names, hit me, cheated on me and did your damndest to break me (and you came really close to achieving that). the things you did hurt my family & friends because they care about me. eventually, i started hurting them too by lying to them in order to be with you. i lost a best friend because of you. i gave up my dignity, friends, self-respect, freedom, independence, trust and love for you. at some point, you even had me believing that i really didn't deserve any better and so i stayed and took the blame for every single one of your disgusting actions. sick. there really isn't any other word for it. i was sick too, though. that's really the most crucial part of the whole thing-you personally, were really of no consequence; you could have been anyone because all you were was a message that life was trying to smack me upside the head with (literally in this case). it's taken longer than i wanted to get 'okay'...to respect myself and demand the same of others because i realize that i deserve that (and a lot more). but i did it. part of it still lingered around though. i should probably thank you for your recent violation of my boundaries rather than resent you for it-in fact i do thank you. a tiny little part of me lived in fear of that all this time...of running into you somewhere...of you finding me. i froze up just thinking about it. as it turns out i didn't have to be afraid. you are no match for me. i was never on the same level as you were but i misled myself to believing that i was-and heaven knows you tried your best to bring me down there. i had the distinct pleasure of walking away from this recent (and hopefully last) interaction with you with my power still blissfully in tact. i. have. never. been able to do that with you-i never believed that i could. the fact that i did has helped me to realize that i don't have to be afraid of men, especially you. there's nothing to be afraid of because no one can do anything to me unless i allow it. i have all the control in my world. i've had my power back for a while-i just haven't taken the opportunity to use it where i've really needed to, to let this all go. and it's not like in the movies where i thank you for beating me up inside and out so that i could learn these lessons and be the person i am today. i have not been hit by some all-forgiving, all-loving light that allows me to see you any differently than i used to. i'm not bitter and i'm not angry-but nor do i have to think fondly of you. i prefer to thank the universe for making sure i ended where i'm supposed to and i don't harbor any hatred for the means it chose in order to get me to this particular end. i half imagined that when i got here i would feel 100 pounds lighter or there would be some huge change in me that i could feel. i should have known better-it was a slow process and in a way my own changes sort of snuck up on me. i have come thousands of miles from where i was. i even find that i've sort of forgotten what it felt like to be that scared-to-death little person. but i've finally gotten here. it's a quiet kind of peace; like falling asleep. i'm done with you today.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous DATE:7/26/2006 08:26:00 PM oh my god, sneetch. That's the most honest clear thinking and emotion i have ever read about surviving an abusive relationship. I want it published! i want other people to read it so they know they can come out on the other side whole and intact. Thank you from the bottom of my being for sharing that with us. You are an amazing role model for all that you have accomplished and done for yourself. you are a beautiful jewel. love you, p ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Blogger that guy DATE:7/27/2006 12:52:00 AM you super powers are growing. soon you will join me in the land of the invincible and brave, and the peace you feel when you realize you're the mistress of your own mu'fu'in destiny is incredible. that's real strempf, and you've got it in you. i seen it. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Blogger Marion McCready DATE:7/27/2006 02:30:00 AM I can't imagine the courage that took, what can I say except that I may not know you but I'm proud of you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Blogger Kelly Bean DATE:7/27/2006 08:01:00 PM i love you all for caring about me in any capacity, regardless of how long or how i know you. and thank you for seeing the things in me that i want to continue seeing in myself. part of the journey of getting here was aided by you, and people like you; and i'm more grateful than anyone will ever really know. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: value DATE: 7/25/2006 04:02:00 PM ----- BODY:
i have the whole being-up-front/not-burrowing-my-thoughts-away-when-i-have-just-as-much-right-to-share-them-as-anyone-else thing down. i at least have it tackled for the most part. something is still missing though and the fact that i have that first thing going on but not much else, is causing more frustration than is really bearable. much of the time i sort of get the impression that i'm talking to myself in a dark, locked up room-at least i'm doing the talking, but there isn't a lot of listening going on. i am not valuing myself. hence, the fact that there aren't a ton of people out there who are really valuing me either. the two go hand in hand...like *peas and carrots*. no one is going to place value on what i don't already value about myself-they'll have no reason to. during the past few days i have taken a mental inventory of my personal relationships...it caused me to ask a lot of 'whys'. why. why. why. it took a few days and some mental struggle but i figured it out. were i to place value on what i should have been valuing all along probably the following things would no longer be things i had to deal with as a condition of choosing to be around the people i do: +being snapped at (or being told that the conversation i want to have is ridiculous) for asking questions about a relationship (that i have every right to ask) because it seems that maybe the other party would rather set something aside and not deal with it (consequently setting me aside on a shelf as well so as to not have to make any hard decisions or put forth any effort). +feeling as if i put more effort into some relationships than other parties do. +feeling as if i'm the one who usually puts more consideration into other people's feelings. +being told to 'wait' for an indefinite amount of time, and not be given any type of idea what kind of boundaries that waiting period entails, for someone else to decide what it is that they want out of a relationship. +being constantly interrupted by every single person in my life. +the failure of some friends to include me in things. +the failure of my family to realize that if something in my life or something that i want to do is important enough for me to value, that if they support me they should value it too. +feeling as if there are only precious few people in my life that truly listen to what i'm saying at any given time. +feeling as if i am one of the very last priorities in a lot of people's lives when in those cases i should actually feel fairly high up their on the priority list. +friends that say they want to spend time with me but somehow never get around to it. +those who have had the impression that my feelings can be messed around with and that i'll still stick around for more. it's just getting to be too much to deal with and too much to think about. instead of just 'saying' that i do, it's time to start actually placing a high value on myself and then maybe the people that are close to me (that aren't doing so already) might realize that they should be doing the same. because, hey...if you know you are important as all hell to me and you claim that i am the same, how on earth am i supposed to fit it all together if your actions don't say the same? i will worry about what i need to do and what's important to me...because it's plainly obvious that worrying about everyone else and what's important to them is getting me absolutely nowhere. my first step will be to plan a weekend away, just for me-to go exactly where i want to go and do exactly what i want to do. and if that involves shutting everyone out for a weekend in order to take in some scenery somewhere and have some quiet, then that's okay.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Blogger Marion McCready DATE:7/25/2006 05:08:00 PM I've discovered that others only recognise your worth when you first recognise your own worth, it may seem harsh but I agree with the Stoic that "the wise man is content with himself and therefore needs no friend" - he desires friendship and has a better life for having it but he is self-contented and therefore does not need friends but wants friends. This puts less strain and expectation on friendship and actually allows friendship to flourish better and as a result provides more fulfillment and less disappointment. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Blogger Kelly Bean DATE:7/26/2006 07:45:00 AM it's interesting the way you so efficiently tied together all the concepts that the wisest friend i have has shared with me many times. less expectations=less disappointment. place value on yourself=others will follow. thank you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Blogger Marion McCready DATE:7/26/2006 08:18:00 AM so you've heard it all before, it's easier said than done eh?! :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Blogger Kelly Bean DATE:7/26/2006 09:22:00 AM i think that most things in life are easier said than done...the fact that it is difficult means that it's worth it though. :) ----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: the bridge is on fire DATE: 7/21/2006 04:07:00 PM ----- BODY:
i made a joke the other day to my supervisor during a mixed company conversation in the middle of our little cube cluster. it was a joke about how if i ever were to get to the absolute end of my rope with this place that i wouldn't be giving a ton of notice-i would sort of say i'm done and be gone. i explained that i burn bridges. that's just what i do. not expecting a response from an off-hand comment, i was surprised when a co-worker asked why. he certainly could have been joking, but it was a serious sounding why, so i started to process it seriously. why do i do that? seriously. i thought about all the bridges i'd burned with people in my life and tried to mold them all together to come up with a reason why they'd all been cut off (sometimes dramatically) on my side of the proverbial bridge. why can't i just get along with everyone? my thought process actually yielded something productive. the following are the general reasons why one might get black-balled, so to speak, from any type of participation in my life: .a to put it very simply-playing games with my feelings/heart/head (or even the perception that one's actions are intended to do so). .b punching me in the face/head (essentially, causing me any bodily harm-especially when that was the intent). in my own rationalizations, these are excellent justifications for giving someone the final finger and refusing to acknowledge them further. so basically, if you've done either of these things to me at any point, you probably got shunned (maybe not at first, but eventually, when i mustered the courage and the time was right, it happened). a very important part of the equation, however, is the fact that it takes the moving of mountains to mend that bridge once i've lit it up once. some might call this "holding a grudge". i don't. i realize that there is a lot that i will work with when it comes to someone's faults-knowing that it takes me a lot to get to the breaking point, it would just make good rational sense that it would take a lot for me to come back. that's not a grudge. to sum up-if you've been smoked out of my life entirely, count yourself lucky if i ever attempt to wave an olive branch in your direction, or take the time to see yours waving. i burn bridges for pretty good reasons and when someone causes me a good deal of pain (note-one may not think their actions were pain-inducing, but it's all about me really and how much it hurt). that's just what i do.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous DATE:7/22/2006 09:25:00 AM Burning bridges, I might come back to this... ----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: what i cannot do DATE: 7/19/2006 03:32:00 PM ----- BODY:
Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience. It isn't more complicated that that. It is opening to or recieving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is, without either clinging to it or rejecting it. ~~~Sylvia Boorstein i cannot control the actions of others and as such, cannot control whether i get hurt or not if i am choosing to care about someone or something. i can choose how much i get hurt-i can choose how much i will attach to something. i can choose how i will react. i cannot live in the past or the future because if i do i will be in a never-ending cycle of understanding nothing that happens to me. i can choose to live in the present-in this day and in this minute. i cannot make people stay-if their plan is to walk away i have to accept that and know that if they are walking away, it means that something greater will take their place. i can choose how i will react to their absence-i can choose whether it will tear me apart or whether it will make me stronger. i cannot forget that i come from a place of strength-of "strong feminine" as it was recently called-not weakness. i can choose to listen to the friends that keep reminding me of that. i cannot forget that strength sometimes intimidates people, particularly men. but that for every single person-male, female, friend or family-that can't handle it there will be someone to take their place. i can choose to remember, and will, that women come from a place very different than men and are built to withstand and interact with life in a way that men are not. i cannot hold this against them if this is the way the universe meant it to be. i can love someone more than life itself and give them whatever they need in a time of weakness for them, and trust that if the same were to happen to me again (because it has) that they would be there in the same capacity (as they have before).

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Blogger elaine x DATE:8/04/2006 02:21:00 PM awesome blog ... keep it up ...
from a plain belly sneetch
peace & harmony,
elaine
'freedom must be exercised to stay in shape!' ----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: cranberries {free to decide}-1994 DATE: 7/18/2006 05:11:00 PM ----- BODY:
It's not worth anything more than this at all, I live as I choose or I will not live at all So return to where you've come from Return to where you dwell Because harassments not my forte But you do it very well. I'm free to decide... And I'm not so suicidal after all I'm free to decide... And Im not so suicidal after all... You must have nothing more with your mind to do There's a war in russia and sarejevo, too So to hell with what you're thinking And to hell with your narrow mind You're so distracted from the real thing You should leave your life behind... Im free to decide...

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----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: 1. 2. 3. DATE: 7/16/2006 08:51:00 AM ----- BODY:
rundown. .1 the option of working ridiculous OT at home, for me, has a taste of irony. though i am working during 55% of my waking weekend time, since i am at home, it's a bit like taking the down time that i usually don't afford myself. let's face it, how much energy is one really exerting sitting at home on a computer in their sweats? also-it's really not so bad-sort of like waking up and watching cartoons, only they're customer cartoons that i'm reading instead. .2 P-though months may go by before we see each other and it turns out sort of exhausting (it's a good sort of tired though-i assure you) to catch each other up b/c there's just so much to go over, somehow it still ends up feeling as if i just saw you the other day. i think this is one of the tests of a truly lovely friendship-the fact that we can still connect so well after so much time. i have grown to love the particular way in which we exchange ideas and feelings and sort of mold together in a cozy place during a conversation. without a doubt, i have grown more from my friendship with you than from any other relationship. thank you for your honesty, your candor, your trust, your love of life and your willingness to share yourself without holding back. no matter how old we get, there will always be room at the inn-or bungalow-or house...wherever i end up you are welcome there. .3 piglet-i couldn't even possibly explain how valuable it was for you to say what you said to me on friday. you deserve good things. you deserve to be happy. you deserve to have fun. you are a great person. these are things i think we all know deep down-sometimes we need to be reminded and because you reminded me it allowed my heart to grow a little bigger. i love you for it. sometimes i need reminders of my blessings. thank you weekend, for giving me those.

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