
I'm not even going to explain what it is, because hopefully it makes you curious as all hell and you find out for yourself. ![]()
P.S. Should you be in any position to buy me a gift in the next few years for a birthday, or holiday...only buy something related to that website.
Labels: Action, Fem, Sexual Violence
----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: Women this week DATE: 10/13/2006 08:25:00 AM ----- BODY: Women still hurting in Bukavu Alertnet.orgHundreds of women were captured, raped, tortured and terribly traumatised by militias in D. R. Congo. Those who escaped are going through a healing process, but their predicament is still dismal.The Congo's only specialized rape clinic has dealt with over 10,000 cases in the last seven years. Terrorism is defined as the systematic use of terror, such as violent or destructive acts commited by groups in order to intimidate a population or government, as a means of coercion. That's from our dictionary; but I suppose in real time it's only considered terrorism if it happens to us. Women’s Prison Healthcare Called ‘Grossly Deficient’ Blackvoicenews.com
Some prisoners incarcerated at the California Institution for Women at Corona were routinely denied basic health and dental care...
Women's Day- Should It Be Celebrated Americanchronicle.com
Ideally when one thinks of a woman, one should not think about them different in any respect to men.Sure, ideally it wouldn't actually be surprising or noteworthy that a woman or woman of color for that matter reached the top of a giant corporation; there is a reason that it is and would the author have gone just a half step further they would have answered their own hypothetical question. My favorite argument that people like to bring up when this subject comes up (admittedly it does not happen often) is "...look at women like Oprah or Martha Stewart...what do you mean glass ceiling?". Well, yes...but, they started their own parties...at no point did they have to compete to get into the men's club which is almost invariably at the top of most corporations. Don't even get me started on the argument of Condoleeza Rice as a representation of how women or women of color are fairly represented in the government
Labels: Fem, Governmentish, Violence
----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: Hidden victims of a brutal conflict: Iraq's women DATE: 10/11/2006 01:27:00 PM ----- BODY: Wherein we are given even more proof that we are involved in a war which serves the interest of a few and says everyone else be damned.Labels: Fem, Governmentish, Violence
----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: No one ever says, "I want to be a wind-up doll when I grow up" DATE: 10/11/2006 07:14:00 AM ----- BODY: Oh, but it's okay after all...people aren't allowed to touch them. What a relief, because that would really mean they were contributing to objectifying women..."The Margaret Thatcher government challenged and then revoked the club's casino license in the U.K. in 1981."P.S. There was a reason for that challenge. How quickly that is forgotten.
Labels: Fem
----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: DATE:10/12/2006 12:46:00 AM Hopefully this will go the way of "Hooters Air" and just sputter out in a year or two... ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: Kelly Bean DATE:10/12/2006 10:20:00 AM That would be nice-although I won't hold my breath. It is Las Vegas after all, where morals and values go the way of the toilet. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: Staggering in its violent message DATE: 10/10/2006 01:37:00 PM ----- BODY: I had every intention of spending a trillion pages outlining the ignorance infused discussion had in my class last night regarding the validity of the feminist perspective theory in psychology. Essentially this theory posits that the personal is political; that is, one cannot be separated from the system in which they live and interact in...one cannot be separated from how the system has affected their "pathology", or "dysfunction", so to speak. Most traditional theories of psychology today (and/or the foundations to such) were created by white men...too many conclusions in the DSM IV are based on normal emotional reactions to life aimed at pathologizing women. Last night I listened to other women, fellow classmates, tear the validity of such apart, saying that we are so much farther ahead than we were that the theory loses some of its appropriateness today...that the theory should equally talk about how women and men have been objectified by the patriarchy embedded in most of the world...that it is nothing but a theory based on an outdated "political agenda" that has no basis today (and I guarantee that the political agenda they were referring to as if it tasted awful to even say it, was the stereotypical picture of man-hating/insane/irrational/unreasonable/victimized/crazed feminist that has become so popular nowadays). It was fascinating (in the fascinating way that you can't tear your eyes away from even the most gruesome of car accidents) to watch fellow women decry our own statement for rights/equality/safety. I was going to drone on and on about it in that particular way that I am capable of. Until I saw this. Which in turn led me to this. Seriously...if you don't have time, make time to read them. I fear that anything I tried to say to convey the complete wash of disgust that clouded my brain up after reading about the above would be lost in my sometime weaknesses as a writer. Think words can't be violent? Share with me how you feel then, after reading what was written to this woman. {1} What happens in the pit of your stomach when you read:you dumb slut you fucking retard Ha ha, you're a dirty whore YOU DESERVED IT, YOU SLUTTY LITTLE WHORE SHUT YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING MOUTH, CUNT Your life is fucking worthless you goddamn slut Please kill yourself now bitch I hope you feel good about murdering your kid whore Tough shit slut You are a disgusting little shit of a woman
It made the back of my neck crawl right up off my back and run out of the building...and I'm even a little desensitized to violent language having been in a position to have heard it frequently for a few years. It brought up all the reactions that might be typical to someone who is socially aware and human; I felt sick, I wanted to cry and could not because I am at work, I became angry, a small part of myself felt ashamed to be part of the same species that regardless of what it was that they hated or disagreed with, would say those things to another person.
If the creation of blogs and the reading of blogs like these do nothing more than spread further the knowledge of what still happens in this century that many people want to stuff down into the drains of history in order to pretend that's where it stayed, then they have done a great service. If they can make people aware of how far we actually have not come as a society or world so that people in this country stop hiding behind the lazy
{1} Aside: I refer to her, not by using her blogging name, but by saying woman with a specific purpose in mind. Just as what happens when speaking to a stranger via phone, when contacting someone via a website something funny can sometimes happen for the one doing the contacting...they lose their awareness that they are addressing
----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: Violence Against Women Officially Declared a Human Rights Violation DATE: 10/09/2006 04:16:00 PM ----- BODY: "[As] long as violence against women continues, we cannot claim to be making real progress towards equality, development and peace"... Just now, it's "unacceptable"...
Labels: Fem
----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: It was everything I had hoped it would be DATE: 10/09/2006 01:31:00 PM ----- BODY: I have moved a total of 11 times since the age of 20 (that's an average of 1.375 times per year). I counted because it was brought to my attention that some people consider it humorous that I continually move-that I can't stay in one place for a myriad of different reasons that don't normally make themselves clear until the lease is about to expire. Okay. I'll give that one up...it is chuckle worthy that I'm a little crazy that way. I get my own dose of humor that people even find my craziness funny. As J pointed out, there always ends up being something unjustifiably wrong with a place that only months prior I was more than happy to exhaust myself (and others) in order to move into. But, um...there is usually something wrong by the time the lease is up-and it's not always my fault. At some point my residences do me horribly wrong. Case and point...
The only low point of the weekend? Effing kiddie porn freaks get set free.
Labels: Fem
----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: DATE:9/19/2006 09:42:00 PM "what's wrong, is so many men that are allowed to feel as if, even for a little while, some dollar bills give them ownership over those bodies."Labels: Fem
----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: truth DATE: 9/06/2006 04:31:00 PM ----- BODY: i so wish that i had the ability to sum up what really bothers me about this with the eloquence that this guy did... found this here: http://realmenarenot.com/blog1/?cat=12 By Robert JensenFeb 1, 2006 Pornography’s business has always been the exposure of women’s bodies for the pleasure of men, and that was readily evident at the annual Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas last month. But also exposed at the sex-industry gathering was the paradox of the pornography business at this particular moment: At the same time that the pornography industry and its products are more normalized than ever in the United States, the images they produce are more brutal and degrading toward women than ever. How can it be that a once-underground industry that lived at the margins of society has become mainstream, at precisely the same time that its sexual cruelty toward women is most pronounced? The resolution of the paradox offers disturbing insights not just into the sexual ethics and gender politics of the United States, but into the underlying values of the entire society. The AEE — which attracted 350 exhibitors to the Sands Expo Center, one of Las Vegas’ major convention facilities — is part industry-insider gathering and part public spectacle. About 18,000 fans, the vast majority of them men, paid $40 a day to wait in long lines to pick up autographs from their favorite women in pornography and be photographed next to them. While fans indulged their fantasies, pornography producers focused on deal-making, often sounding as if their business were no different than selling shoes. In seminars, industry experts talked about improving marketing and retailing practices to expand market share and increase profits On the convention floor, most everyone would have agreed with Paul Fishbein, president of Adult Video News, the trade magazine that sponsors the event: “[T]he industry is ready to serve the needs of adult retailers, as well as consumers that seek to celebrate their sexuality.” And “celebrate” they do, with no questions asked. In Las Vegas, no one was discussing the social implications of the commodification of sexuality and intimacy in the 13,000 new pornographic videos and DVDs released in 2005. Questions about the effects of sexualizing male dominance in a $12-billion a year business were not on the table. This was a venue for self-indulgence, not self-reflection. Pornography — though still resisted by some, from either a conservative/religious position or, on very different grounds, from a feminist point of view — has become just one more form of mass entertainment in a culture obsessively dedicated to the pleasure-without-thought-about-the-consequences principle. Not everyone likes it, but few see it as worth debating. But the paradox remains: At the same time that it is more accepted, pornography’s content is becoming steadily more extreme. In the “gonzo” style (those films with no plot or characters, just straightforward sex on tape) that dominates the market, directors continue to push the edge, filming increasingly rougher sexual practices involving multiple penetrations of women by two or three men at a time, or oral sex designed to make a woman gag, while the language used to insult women during sex grows harsher. Since legal controls on pornography began loosening in the 1970s, pornographers have pushed the limits of sexualizing the denigration of women. Though the pornography industry loves to talk about growing sales to women and the so-called “couples market,” men are still the vast majority of pornography consumers in the United States. Producers and distributors I interviewed at the convention all estimated their clientele was 80 to 90 percent men. What do these men want to watch? It turns out they like viewing sexual acts that the majority of women do not want to perform in their lives. While there is no survey data about women’s preferences regarding multiple penetrations or gag-inducing sex, informal investigation suggests such things are not common in the day-to-day lives of most people and not sought after by most women. So, how can we explain the paradox? People typically do not openly endorse cruelty or the degradation of women. Yet just as those features of pornography are more extensive and intense than ever, graphic sexually explicit material is more widely accepted than ever. How can a culture embrace images that violate its stated values? Wouldn’t a society that purports to be civilized reject sexual material that becomes evermore dismissive of the humanity of women? There are two potential explanations. First, because of the way pornography works, most of the consumers don’t see the material as being saturated with cruelty or degradation; the sexual pleasure that pornography produces tends to derail critical viewing and thinking. When consumers are focused on the pleasure, the politics drop out of view. So, when fans I interviewed said they didn’t think the material they watched embodied male domination and female subordination, they likely were being honest. They don’t see it, because they are too absorbed in feeling the sexual pleasure to be thinking about such issues. But some men are quite clear about the gender politics in pornography, and they like it. Most of the advertising for the gonzo style highlights the subordination of women — one company brags it is in the business of “degrading whores for your viewing pleasure” — which suggests that’s exactly what some men are looking for. The second explanation is a painful reminder that, in fact, the United States is a nation that has no serious objection to cruelty and degradation. After all, there was no sustained, collective outrage over the revelations of systematic torture by U.S. military forces, epitomized by the photos from Abu Ghraib in Iraq. One prominent right-wing commentator compared it favorably to fraternity hazing rituals, which is not entirely misguided — fraternity hazing is routinely cruel and degrading, albeit at a much lower level. The United States is a society that uses brutal levels of military force, including the illegal targeting of civilian infrastructure (such as in the 1991 Gulf War, when power, sewage, and water facilities were targeted) and the routine use of weapons that military officials know kill large numbers of civilians (such as cluster bombs that continue to kill long after the conflict is over, as unexploded bombs detonate for years). The culture celebrates this as evidence of our benevolence as we “liberate” other countries. The United States is a society that locks up more than 2 million people, a higher percentage of its population than any other country, disproportionately non-white. The everyday conditions under which many of those human beings are kept in this prison-industrial complex are so harsh and degrading that leading human-rights groups condemn U.S. prison practices. The culture celebrates this as evidence of the superiority of our system of “justice.” And the United States is a society that has built thousands of glittering temples to unsustainable levels of consumption — called shopping malls — in this wealthiest nation in history, while nearly half the world’s people live on less than $2 a day. The culture celebrates this state of affairs as the wondrous workings of the magical market. So, there is no paradox in the mainstreaming of an intensely cruel pornography; pornographers aren’t a deviation from the norm. Their presence in the mainstream shouldn’t be surprising, because they represent mainstream values: The logic of domination and subordination that is central to patriarchy, nationalism, racism, and capitalism. What pornography says about sexuality, intimacy, and gender politics in the contemporary United States is frightening. What it says about our entire society is even more disturbing. Robert Jensen is a journalism professor at the University of Texas at Austin and a member of the board of the Third Coast Activist Resource Center, http://thirdcoastactivist.org/. He is the author of The Heart of Whiteness: Race, Racism, and White Privilege and Citizens of the Empire: The Struggle to Claim Our Humanity (both from City Lights Books). He can be reached at rjensen@uts.cc.utexas.edu. original article: http://www.opednews.com/articles/opedne_robert_j_060201_the_paradox_of_porno.htmLabels: Fem
----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: if you are under the impression that sexual harassment against women isn't such a big deal anymore because it's the year 2006 DATE: 9/06/2006 01:43:00 PM ----- BODY: please rethink that assumption. cause, yah, it is the year 2006...it shouldn't be happening anymore. taking a personal day to get mentally ready for my first class tonight (i think it's statistics...ugh). i finished my first assignment for my online class!!! granted it was a no word limit autobiography about me, but i still completed my first assignment. took a break for a moment and found myself at one of the coolest websites i've ever seen. please see the following...http://www.hollabacknyc.blogspot.com/. checked around on their links to find that there actually is one for seattle...http://hollabackseattle.wordpress.com/. thank you to whoever runs that. i don't personally know you, but i love you. (for those who might assume that it's a bunch of "femi-nazis" spouting off on the web, there are men involved in running these sites as well.) do me a favor, play around for a bit & read some of those stories. yah...it may seem like not a very big deal if some a-hole on the street yells out hey sexy, or whatever they think is "cute" to say at the time. i mean, hey, they're not touching anyone...they're not raping anyone, right? try being the girl in that situation, though...especially if it's a bunch of guys in a group and you have no idea whatsoever what they might do. it's true-it's not about sex...it's about power. it happened to me the other day on my way into mad's to take care of my cats. right on 85th during rush hour freaking traffic. the likelihood that anything dangerous was going to happen to me was admittedly low...it's still scary when there are 4 males that you don't know yelling at you and you're not quite sure what they might do if it happens to offend them that you're ignoring them. not to mention the day that i was minding my own business trying to walk home from the bus and some freak made a point to run around the block again to pass by slowly and stare. thankfully it was 95 degrees that day and i was irritated enough to give him the finger. thinking back on it now i should have gotten his license and got on the phone right then to report him so he could see that i was doing it. next time i will. i was in my own neighborhood for christ's sake...women should be able to walk around in their own neighborhood without having to worry that some asshole might follow them. of course, it doesn't help us out much when men's magazines simply encourage it. please note the following: http://realmenarenot.com/blog1/?p=298. women are to be "invaded"? fuck you MAXIM is right.Labels: Fem
----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: DATE:9/06/2006 04:41:00 PM Hey Kelly! Thanks for passing on the link :) Also, the down-but-not-out Hollaback Seattle has some big things in store that will be ready hopefully by the end of the month. Basically, it'll be a an umbrella "Hollaback Pacific Northwest" that does the NY street harassment thing but also introduces a few other relevant issues like the very Washington...sexist t-shirts. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: Kelly Bean DATE:9/06/2006 06:23:00 PM Thanks for letting me know! I'll keep checking the site to see what's happening. :) ----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: i'm done with you today DATE: 7/26/2006 02:27:00 PM ----- BODY: "It's a truly liberating thing to know that I don't have to respect your wishes, because you still don't have respect for mine or consideration for me as a person. No, as long as you continue to minimize what really happened and dodge ownership of it, if you feel the need to contact me, I am not going to spare you what I think. I have no obligation to. All this interaction has told me is that you're not really as better as I would have hoped you'd be by now. You obviously don't understand that I have harsh feelings for you because you still don't realize or fully and completely acknowledge what you did. That's part of the "getting better" process for people like you that apparently you haven't gotten to yet. After two alleged years, that's sad. So on that note, it's really not me who's attempting to "throw things" in your face. I will quote you: "Ive found someone that I really love and were engaged". Did I ask you for that information? No. Do I really care? No. And I'm sure you realize that on some level..." i have pictured this moment for over three years. i started picturing it when i really hit bottom in that relationship-when i finally started to admit to myself that it wasn't ever going to get any better...that the only things i would walk away with were a big fat hard-earned lesson and (eventually) a little more strength to put in my pocket. you did horrible things to me, called me horrible names, hit me, cheated on me and did your damndest to break me (and you came really close to achieving that). the things you did hurt my family & friends because they care about me. eventually, i started hurting them too by lying to them in order to be with you. i lost a best friend because of you. i gave up my dignity, friends, self-respect, freedom, independence, trust and love for you. at some point, you even had me believing that i really didn't deserve any better and so i stayed and took the blame for every single one of your disgusting actions. sick. there really isn't any other word for it. i was sick too, though. that's really the most crucial part of the whole thing-you personally, were really of no consequence; you could have been anyone because all you were was a message that life was trying to smack me upside the head with (literally in this case). it's taken longer than i wanted to get 'okay'...to respect myself and demand the same of others because i realize that i deserve that (and a lot more). but i did it. part of it still lingered around though. i should probably thank you for your recent violation of my boundaries rather than resent you for it-in fact i do thank you. a tiny little part of me lived in fear of that all this time...of running into you somewhere...of you finding me. i froze up just thinking about it. as it turns out i didn't have to be afraid. you are no match for me. i was never on the same level as you were but i misled myself to believing that i was-and heaven knows you tried your best to bring me down there. i had the distinct pleasure of walking away from this recent (and hopefully last) interaction with you with my power still blissfully in tact. i. have. never. been able to do that with you-i never believed that i could. the fact that i did has helped me to realize that i don't have to be afraid of men, especially you. there's nothing to be afraid of because no one can do anything to me unless i allow it. i have all the control in my world. i've had my power back for a while-i just haven't taken the opportunity to use it where i've really needed to, to let this all go. and it's not like in the movies where i thank you for beating me up inside and out so that i could learn these lessons and be the person i am today. i have not been hit by some all-forgiving, all-loving light that allows me to see you any differently than i used to. i'm not bitter and i'm not angry-but nor do i have to think fondly of you. i prefer to thank the universe for making sure i ended where i'm supposed to and i don't harbor any hatred for the means it chose in order to get me to this particular end. i half imagined that when i got here i would feel 100 pounds lighter or there would be some huge change in me that i could feel. i should have known better-it was a slow process and in a way my own changes sort of snuck up on me. i have come thousands of miles from where i was. i even find that i've sort of forgotten what it felt like to be that scared-to-death little person. but i've finally gotten here. it's a quiet kind of peace; like falling asleep. i'm done with you today.Labels: Fem
----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: DATE:7/26/2006 08:26:00 PM oh my god, sneetch. That's the most honest clear thinking and emotion i have ever read about surviving an abusive relationship. I want it published! i want other people to read it so they know they can come out on the other side whole and intact. Thank you from the bottom of my being for sharing that with us. You are an amazing role model for all that you have accomplished and done for yourself. you are a beautiful jewel. love you, p ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: that guy DATE:7/27/2006 12:52:00 AM you super powers are growing. soon you will join me in the land of the invincible and brave, and the peace you feel when you realize you're the mistress of your own mu'fu'in destiny is incredible. that's real strempf, and you've got it in you. i seen it. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: Marion McCready DATE:7/27/2006 02:30:00 AM I can't imagine the courage that took, what can I say except that I may not know you but I'm proud of you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: Kelly Bean DATE:7/27/2006 08:01:00 PM i love you all for caring about me in any capacity, regardless of how long or how i know you. and thank you for seeing the things in me that i want to continue seeing in myself. part of the journey of getting here was aided by you, and people like you; and i'm more grateful than anyone will ever really know. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: value DATE: 7/25/2006 04:02:00 PM ----- BODY: i have the whole being-up-front/not-burrowing-my-thoughts-away-when-i-have-just-as-much-right-to-share-them-as-anyone-else thing down. i at least have it tackled for the most part. something is still missing though and the fact that i have that first thing going on but not much else, is causing more frustration than is really bearable. much of the time i sort of get the impression that i'm talking to myself in a dark, locked up room-at least i'm doing the talking, but there isn't a lot of listening going on. i am not valuing myself. hence, the fact that there aren't a ton of people out there who are really valuing me either. the two go hand in hand...like *peas and carrots*. no one is going to place value on what i don't already value about myself-they'll have no reason to. during the past few days i have taken a mental inventory of my personal relationships...it caused me to ask a lot of 'whys'. why. why. why. it took a few days and some mental struggle but i figured it out. were i to place value on what i should have been valuing all along probably the following things would no longer be things i had to deal with as a condition of choosing to be around the people i do: +being snapped at (or being told that the conversation i want to have is ridiculous) for asking questions about a relationship (that i have every right to ask) because it seems that maybe the other party would rather set something aside and not deal with it (consequently setting me aside on a shelf as well so as to not have to make any hard decisions or put forth any effort). +feeling as if i put more effort into some relationships than other parties do. +feeling as if i'm the one who usually puts more consideration into other people's feelings. +being told to 'wait' for an indefinite amount of time, and not be given any type of idea what kind of boundaries that waiting period entails, for someone else to decide what it is that they want out of a relationship. +being constantly interrupted by every single person in my life. +the failure of some friends to include me in things. +the failure of my family to realize that if something in my life or something that i want to do is important enough for me to value, that if they support me they should value it too. +feeling as if there are only precious few people in my life that truly listen to what i'm saying at any given time. +feeling as if i am one of the very last priorities in a lot of people's lives when in those cases i should actually feel fairly high up their on the priority list. +friends that say they want to spend time with me but somehow never get around to it. +those who have had the impression that my feelings can be messed around with and that i'll still stick around for more. it's just getting to be too much to deal with and too much to think about. instead of just 'saying' that i do, it's time to start actually placing a high value on myself and then maybe the people that are close to me (that aren't doing so already) might realize that they should be doing the same. because, hey...if you know you are important as all hell to me and you claim that i am the same, how on earth am i supposed to fit it all together if your actions don't say the same? i will worry about what i need to do and what's important to me...because it's plainly obvious that worrying about everyone else and what's important to them is getting me absolutely nowhere. my first step will be to plan a weekend away, just for me-to go exactly where i want to go and do exactly what i want to do. and if that involves shutting everyone out for a weekend in order to take in some scenery somewhere and have some quiet, then that's okay. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: Marion McCready DATE:7/25/2006 05:08:00 PM I've discovered that others only recognise your worth when you first recognise your own worth, it may seem harsh but I agree with the Stoic that "the wise man is content with himself and therefore needs no friend" - he desires friendship and has a better life for having it but he is self-contented and therefore does not need friends but wants friends. This puts less strain and expectation on friendship and actually allows friendship to flourish better and as a result provides more fulfillment and less disappointment. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: Kelly Bean DATE:7/26/2006 07:45:00 AM it's interesting the way you so efficiently tied together all the concepts that the wisest friend i have has shared with me many times. less expectations=less disappointment. place value on yourself=others will follow. thank you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: Marion McCready DATE:7/26/2006 08:18:00 AM so you've heard it all before, it's easier said than done eh?! :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: Kelly Bean DATE:7/26/2006 09:22:00 AM i think that most things in life are easier said than done...the fact that it is difficult means that it's worth it though. :) ----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: the bridge is on fire DATE: 7/21/2006 04:07:00 PM ----- BODY: i made a joke the other day to my supervisor during a mixed company conversation in the middle of our little cube cluster. it was a joke about how if i ever were to get to the absolute end of my rope with this place that i wouldn't be giving a ton of notice-i would sort of say i'm done and be gone. i explained that i burn bridges. that's just what i do. not expecting a response from an off-hand comment, i was surprised when a co-worker asked why. he certainly could have been joking, but it was a serious sounding why, so i started to process it seriously. why do i do that? seriously. i thought about all the bridges i'd burned with people in my life and tried to mold them all together to come up with a reason why they'd all been cut off (sometimes dramatically) on my side of the proverbial bridge. why can't i just get along with everyone? my thought process actually yielded something productive. the following are the general reasons why one might get black-balled, so to speak, from any type of participation in my life: .a to put it very simply-playing games with my feelings/heart/head (or even the perception that one's actions are intended to do so). .b punching me in the face/head (essentially, causing me any bodily harm-especially when that was the intent). in my own rationalizations, these are excellent justifications for giving someone the final finger and refusing to acknowledge them further. so basically, if you've done either of these things to me at any point, you probably got shunned (maybe not at first, but eventually, when i mustered the courage and the time was right, it happened). a very important part of the equation, however, is the fact that it takes the moving of mountains to mend that bridge once i've lit it up once. some might call this "holding a grudge". i don't. i realize that there is a lot that i will work with when it comes to someone's faults-knowing that it takes me a lot to get to the breaking point, it would just make good rational sense that it would take a lot for me to come back. that's not a grudge. to sum up-if you've been smoked out of my life entirely, count yourself lucky if i ever attempt to wave an olive branch in your direction, or take the time to see yours waving. i burn bridges for pretty good reasons and when someone causes me a good deal of pain (note-one may not think their actions were pain-inducing, but it's all about me really and how much it hurt). that's just what i do.Labels: Fem
----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: DATE:7/22/2006 09:25:00 AM Burning bridges, I might come back to this... ----- -------- AUTHOR: Kelly Bean TITLE: what i cannot do DATE: 7/19/2006 03:32:00 PM ----- BODY: Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience. It isn't more complicated that that. It is opening to or recieving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is, without either clinging to it or rejecting it. ~~~Sylvia Boorstein i cannot control the actions of others and as such, cannot control whether i get hurt or not if i am choosing to care about someone or something. i can choose how much i get hurt-i can choose how much i will attach to something. i can choose how i will react. i cannot live in the past or the future because if i do i will be in a never-ending cycle of understanding nothing that happens to me. i can choose to live in the present-in this day and in this minute. i cannot make people stay-if their plan is to walk away i have to accept that and know that if they are walking away, it means that something greater will take their place. i can choose how i will react to their absence-i can choose whether it will tear me apart or whether it will make me stronger. i cannot forget that i come from a place of strength-of "strong feminine" as it was recently called-not weakness. i can choose to listen to the friends that keep reminding me of that. i cannot forget that strength sometimes intimidates people, particularly men. but that for every single person-male, female, friend or family-that can't handle it there will be someone to take their place. i can choose to remember, and will, that women come from a place very different than men and are built to withstand and interact with life in a way that men are not. i cannot hold this against them if this is the way the universe meant it to be. i can love someone more than life itself and give them whatever they need in a time of weakness for them, and trust that if the same were to happen to me again (because it has) that they would be there in the same capacity (as they have before).Labels: Fem
----- COMMENT: AUTHOR: elaine x DATE:8/04/2006 02:21:00 PM awesome blog ... keep it up ...